Don't Pretend Love
You Assume Love when you take a second look at what your spouse or life partner does as if you are well-loved.
You Pretend Love when you act as if you're loved even though you don't believe it.
When you Assume Love, you give yourself the chance to receive more love by looking beyond your instantaneous, gut-level reactions to events. You pay attention to what you know to be true. You stop yourself from jumping to conclusions. You do this for you, so that you don't miss any love being offered to you.
There's a good chance you'll notice love where you didn't see it before and want to show your spouse more appreciation as a result. That's great! But it's not required, and it probably won't happen every time. When it doesn't, pretending it did is not the solution.
Comments
L-o-v-e your site! I've begun thinking about WHY i worry about whether or not i'm loved. I'm starting to think it's MY ISSUE and maybe nothing to do with him. Do you think there's a chance that i need to ASSUME love because i worry that i'm unloved because i don't believe there's a reason anyone should love me? I'd love to read more on that. And, by the way, I THINK YOU SHOULD BE DOING LECTURES - YOU'D BE A WONDERFUL SPEAKER. At first, i was hoping you'd write a book but then, somewhere between driving to senior citizen karate class and baking fifty brownies for Family Science night, i got a chance to read the Family e-mail and - BANG - it dawned on me - that woman Patty should be a lecturer, not a writer. It's much nicer to see someone in a jacket than on a jacket!
Posted by: Merc Urial | February 18, 2006 8:35 PM
Do you just go through life assuming the best of the person who loves you or do you ask him why he said or did something the way he did?
Do you ever get confirmation that your assumptions are accurate or do you just go on (maybe) living on a fantasy?
Posted by: Becci | April 8, 2010 3:36 PM
>> Do you just go through life assuming the best of the person who loves you or do you ask him why he said or did something the way he did?
You should definitely ask, but not right away. Not while you're furious or frightened. And not while you're feeling unsure of his love. Ask when you're ready to hear the answer and use it to strengthen your relationship, not to test it.
>> Do you ever get confirmation that your assumptions are accurate or do you just go on (maybe) living on a fantasy?
If you assume love (which includes coming up with explanations of how someone who truly loves you might have done with the best of intentions whatever upset you), you don't need to worry about living on a fantasy. Anyone who does not love you will soon do something that a loving person cannot do to a loved one, and you will spot this instantly.
As long as you are loved, accidentally overestimating the good intentions of your mate is a good thing, not a bad one. It is actually one of the distinguishing characteristics of a long-lasting loving relationship. I suspect this is because the way we treat someone we believe to be loving us well strengthens their love for us.
Posted by: Patty Newbold
|
April 8, 2010 11:31 PM