L-o-v-e your site! I've begun thinking about WHY i worry about whether or not i'm loved. I'm starting to think it's MY ISSUE and maybe nothing to do with him. Do you think there's a chance that i need to ASSUME love because i worry that i'm unloved because i don't believe there's a reason anyone should love me? I'd love to read more on that. And, by the way, I THINK YOU SHOULD BE DOING LECTURES - YOU'D BE A WONDERFUL SPEAKER. At first, i was hoping you'd write a book but then, somewhere between driving to senior citizen karate class and baking fifty brownies for Family Science night, i got a chance to read the Family e-mail and - BANG - it dawned on me - that woman Patty should be a lecturer, not a writer. It's much nicer to see someone in a jacket than on a jacket!

Do you just go through life assuming the best of the person who loves you or do you ask him why he said or did something the way he did?

Do you ever get confirmation that your assumptions are accurate or do you just go on (maybe) living on a fantasy?

>> Do you just go through life assuming the best of the person who loves you or do you ask him why he said or did something the way he did?

You should definitely ask, but not right away. Not while you're furious or frightened. And not while you're feeling unsure of his love. Ask when you're ready to hear the answer and use it to strengthen your relationship, not to test it.

>> Do you ever get confirmation that your assumptions are accurate or do you just go on (maybe) living on a fantasy?

If you assume love (which includes coming up with explanations of how someone who truly loves you might have done with the best of intentions whatever upset you), you don't need to worry about living on a fantasy. Anyone who does not love you will soon do something that a loving person cannot do to a loved one, and you will spot this instantly.

As long as you are loved, accidentally overestimating the good intentions of your mate is a good thing, not a bad one. It is actually one of the distinguishing characteristics of a long-lasting loving relationship. I suspect this is because the way we treat someone we believe to be loving us well strengthens their love for us.

I am delighted to find you, Patty! You did a great job on that "Marriage Is Obsolete" show that Dr. Veronica hosted.

I really agree with the idea of assuming love. My husband and I have done much better when we hold tight to the notion that we ALWAYS want the best for one another, even if our actions are not proving it at that moment.

We've been married for 62 years, 2 months, 14 days, and 15 hours, so something must be working!

Keep up the good work, Patty. I love your story.
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Thank you, Lois! And thanks to Dr. Veronica's Wellness for the Real World show for bringing us together.

I agree.

Thanks, Tony.

Patty.....I read article after article about relationships....and I have say that I think it is ALL...TOO MUCH TROUBLE. A relationship is like another full-time job that rarely ever gets rewarded. Stay On-guard...do the righ thing, say the right thing, look the righway, whew! It's definitely easier to be single and date.

Some people are better off single, Billie, and you may be one of them. The advice in this blog is for people who want to enjoy being married.

Great blog hope the site is going well have you bookmarked so ill be back soon