Imagine a really unpleasant smell. Notice what your eyebrows do, how your eyes squint, how your nostrils close, and how your lips close or make that shape they make when you're saying, "Ick."
Imagine stepping in something gross feeling on the bathroom floor in your socks. Check your eyebrows, your eyes, your nostrils, and your lips again.
Imagine hearing an unfunny joke, the sort that offends you down to your toes. Similar face contortions?
This is disgust. Every one of those slight facial movements, together or separately, conveys a lack of respect, love, kindness, generosity, or gratitude to your spouse. Most of us are quite astute at noticing even the briefest signs of disgust. People with Borderline Personality Disorder are especially astute and even more distressed by them than the rest of us.
Notice your face as you imagine walking into the kitchen to find your husband following through on his promise to you to try some more adventurous cooking. He's get a recipe from the internet by his side and he's stepping outside his comfort zone to try something new. Is your face relaxed, happy? This is the one he was hoping for, the one he wants to kiss, the one he wants to bask in, the one that makes cooking for you fun.
As the next ingredient goes in, the smell from the stove becomes awful. Feel that pull on your face? Switch your attention from your sense of smell to what you're seeing and feel it melt.
Your wife is sick. Vertigo. The room is spinning. She walks unsteadily or she crawls to the bathroom. You go to her side, feeling protective and caring. Check your face. It's soft and open.
As you reach for a wash cloth to wipe her face, your socked foot steps in something squishy. Feel your disgust face coming on? Switch your attention to how her head feels instead of your foot and feel it go soft and gentle again.
You're at a party, having a good time. You hear that unfunny, offensive joke. In your spouse's voice. Your brows, eyes, nostrils, and lips begin to assume the position. Disgust. Look around the room for something to smile at. You can discuss morals later, in private. Right now, you are partying.
I don't deal in ways to become a better spouse. I'm concerned with how to enjoy being married. I don't really care that even the hint of disgust on your face will generate shame or anger on your spouse's face. I care what the look of disgust on your face does to all your other values: your love, your respect, your caring, your generosity, your gratitude. You cannot feel them with that expression on your face.
Regardless of what your mate does, you have control over your thoughts and therefore your expressions. Don't play victim and accept unhappiness. Take control and enjoy being your best self.