Miley Cyrus Tries to Figure Out Marriage
As I read it in the second-hand press, Miley Cyrus is pretty sure she'll be with Liam Hemsworth for a long time. I definitely hope so. But I don't buy her reasoning.
Her interview in Marie Claire is being widely quoted before it hits the newsstands. In it, she talks about her recent engagement to the man with whom she shares the house and bedroom her parents recently moved out of.
She says, "Life is too short not to be with the person you want to be with. I don't really care about the wedding or the piece of paper as much as I do the promise we've made to each other. And we want to have a long engagement."
So many couples wander backwards into marriage, and here are a couple of young role models showing how it's done. Live together, then make the promise, then take a long time with the engagement.
When you do it backwards, the engagement, short or long, does not give you any time to get to know the character of the person before making a promise to them. You run the risk of being forced to choose between the integrity behind your promises and the freedom to choose again.
When you share a home together before you make the promise, especially at 19 and 22, you run a real risk of becoming parents of children who sense very early that you two chose each other with no concern for their long-term security and trust.
Miley adds, "Liam and I have a really good relationship... neither of us is super-jealous. We know each other and would never do anything to hurt each other."
Dear reader, know this if you haven't yet discovered it: You will do things to hurt each other, even though you adore each other. You will also sometimes be super-jealous of the time or attention your partner gives other people. Don't make the mistake of assuming there is something wrong with your relationship when it happens. If you want a really good relationship, learn how to handle those times and feel close again.
And if you want an even better relationship, never, ever delude yourself into thinking you know each other. People are always changing. What your partner believes is changing. What you're capable of understanding is changing. And getting to know each other, over and over and over, marks the sort of relationship that will sustain you and delight you through decades of marriage.
I wish Miley and Liam--and you--many wonderful years of marriage.