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Before You Ask for a Divorce

I know from personal experience how overwhelming emotions can get when your marriage feels like it's not working. Before you announce you've had it, try this.

Make a list of the things you would do after you divorced, other than flirt or find a new sex partner, and do them for three months. Go out for dinner with your friends. Take a trip without your spouse. Learn to dance. Lose weight. Join a gym. Get a new hairstyle. Take a bubble bath every evening. Stop running errands for your spouse. Change jobs. Take your kids out to dinner without their other parent. Shop for an apartment or a smaller house. Maybe even rent a place of your own.

That's it. Don't work on your marriage. Work on yourself. Take your post-marriage life for a test drive. Get your mind off what you would get away from and onto what you would move toward. Don't say you're leaving. Don't promise to stay. Take 90 days to get to know yourself and be yourself again.

While you are doing this, there is a good chance your husband or wife will begin to see you and your marriage very differently. And you might, too.

Comments

my husband tried to cheat on me with my best mate,at my daughters wedding,we been seperated 6 months ,3 months ago he filed for divorce,now we due for finalisation he wants me back,lifes too short,he watched me suffer and made my life hell for 6 months.filed for divorce to"frighten" me,i accepted it and nowhe tells me its his biggest regret.i think its too late as he has hurt me every way,emotionally and mentally.why put me thro this just to frighten me?
lifes too hort .

That is a good question. Why put you through this to frighten you? Have you tried yet to Assume Love and think of why someone you could be sure truly loved you might seek to frighten you? It can help. The exercise can stop your mind from doing its natural response, which is the think of all the signs that you are not loved by him or safe with him.

Life is, indeed, too short. Many infidelities and attempted infidelities are one and done, enough to convince a spouse never to even consider that again. New relationships, even if great ones, take a long time to develop the depth and richness of a long-term relationship that's survived an upset. It's definitely worth checking whether repair is possible.

Did he have reason to feel left out or taken advantage of at your daughter's wedding or during the preparations? People do some really stupid things when they fear their relationship with their spouse is no longer what it used to be. When he tried to frighten you, what did he hope to achieve? Was he trying to end your separation and get back together? Or was he trying to hurt you?

And what would it take (from him) to repair the emotional and mental pain he's caused you by trying to cheat and by filing? What would be enough for you to put this in the past? Give it some thought and then let him know what would do it. Life's too short not to give it a try.

he has always done things regardless of how i felt and his attitude has been"cross that/her bridge" when he comes to it.i have found secret mobile phones,caught him on social networks for meeting people,etc,but i let it go over my head,the most ultimate thing he could do to me ,he did.he felt left out of wedding plans as he showed no interest from beginning, didnt like it cos my daughters father was walking her down the aisle,not him.he ignored my daughters husband from the day they met,always made him,them both feel uncomfortable,he has always done and said hurtful things like,hes going to get rid of my dog,knowing they hurt me and i give in to his nonsense just incase he did the nasty things he would threaten me with.he stopped all bills without telling me,so i would crumble cas iwould not afford them,he would ignore me for days,tell me hes coming home then last min he wud text me that hes too tired and b home tomorrow,filing for divorce was the final threatening thing he could do,knowing i usually worry and he would have that hold over me again,but iv accepted the divorce,agreed with all he wants and now he says hes not going to put the last letter to courts cos he wants his "wife" back. i took him back for 3 days after new year n he ignored me and acted as tho i didnt exsist.

Sue, I am so sorry you have been put through all of this.

thank you for taking the time to read my emails,its been so good to talk to someone who doesnt know me and isnt judging,i appreciate ur coments so much xxonce again thank you x

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Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

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