Join me in an experiment. Without any setup, without any extra words, tell your husband or wife, “I respect you.” In the comments below (or online if you get this by email), let us know (1) what sort of reaction it gets, and (2) how it felt to say this. It might help if you add whether this was woman to woman, man to woman, woman to man, or man to man. Our hormones predispose us to...
The human body is well-designed for two functions much needed in our evolutionary past. The first is self-preservation: fight, flee, or freeze. We could be attacked at almost any moment, and only those who survived passed down their genes. The second is tend and befriend. To survive as a human, our ancestors had to cooperate with other humans to eat, to clothe themselves, to build homes, and to...
It’s so easy to get caught up in fears that if you pursue spiritual growth, start that business you’ve always dreamed of, get that graduate degree in your 50s, or take up an adventurous hobby, it will tank your marriage. Before we start on this great new adventure, we fear obstruction. Once we find our way around the imaginary or real obstacles, we fear growing apart if our spouse...
Jerome woke up every morning to his mother bringing him a glass of fresh-squeezed orange juice. He’d drink it down before getting out of bed and ready for the rest of his breakfast and the school bus. It was a nice, unhurried way to start the day. And it made a lasting memory: orange juice = love, especially when it’s delivered by the woman he loved most. Rebekkah woke up to an alarm...
I am a widow who got it right the second time. I have been sharing here since February 14, 2006 what I learned from that experience and from positive psychology, marriage research, and my training as a marriage educator.
