The Huffington Post lists the big 6 complaints shared by men in marriage counseling. They are worth looking at -- not as a self-improvement checklist for wives, but as a big help when you want to Assume Love, Expect Love, and Find Third Alternatives, whether you're the husband or the wife.
1. My wife expects me to be a mind reader.
2. The late night arguments are getting out of hand.
3. She doesn't appreciate me.
4. She doesn't back me up when I discipline the kids.
5. She's not interested in sex.
6. Our marriage is no longer a priority for her.
What signs of love are you expecting that your husband has no idea you want?
How many of the things your husband does that upset you are actually ways to avoid another late night argument? And if you're looking for a Third Alternative if your husband disagrees with whatever you're proposing, is after the kids are in bed really a good time to mention it?
How many of the things your husband does that upset you are actually ways to bring your attention to the things he does for you and the things about him he thought you valued?
Is the reason you seem to be getting more and more of the child-rearing responsibilities, even though you also have a job, because your husband is trying to avoid that unpleasant situation where you don't back him up?
What Third Alternative would make sex as much of a priority for you as for your husband?
What love are you missing out on when you respond to not getting what you expect by busying yourself with something else?