When Not to Stay Married for the Kids
It is quite honorable to stay married for your children. It is also honorable to split if you cannot give them enough to benefit from married parents or if staying together puts them in danger.
- Children benefit from the sort of home two parents can afford to provide, one with better schools, safer recreation, safer neighbors.
- Children benefit from long-lasting relationships with the adults in their lives, rather than a string of strangers spending time with them.
- Children benefit from seeing both of their parents respected, praised, and loved by the important people in their lives, especially their other parent.
- Children benefit from observing a couple practice affection, a healthy 5:1 or better ratio of positive:negative interactions, and positive-constructive responses to their accomplishments and good fortune.
Balance these against the unhealthy things that can go on in a household:
- Children are damaged by seeing a parent abused or manipulated.
- Children are damaged by being physically or sexually abused.
- Children are damaged by a parent denying the harm done to those children by the other parent just to keep the family or income intact.
- Children are damaged by living in fear of unpredictable and harmful behavior by a parent with an addiction or other mental health problem.
- Children are damaged by being asked to keep secrets from their other parent or hearing accusations against their other parent that cannot be discussed openly with that parent.
That's my take on it. What's yours?