How to Be Your Husband's First Choice
After a few years of marriage, many women start to wonder if they are still the one woman their husband wants to be with. Once the wondering begins, almost everything can look like evidence that it's no longer true.
Time spent on a hobby or online? Looks like proof. Too tired or worried for sex? Looks like proof. Fewer compliments? Looks like proof. Caught flirting with other women? Looks like proof.
And yet all of these can be ordinary harmless events. Accusing, whining, and crying then get in the way of the normal ebb and flow of closeness.
So what will increase closeness and remind a man why he chose you? Noticing his character and all of his actions that reflect the best parts of that character: integrity, perseverance on tough goals, optimism, generosity, creativity, self-regulation, leadership, good citizenship, spirituality, and more. Complaints say he lacks character. They have the opposite effect.
The truth is he has no idea how important it is to you to be his number one, his cherished one. He wants your respect. If he tries to improve your relationship, he'll likely do it by showing you respect. This may include not asking questions (i.e., not trying to figure out what's on your mind if you don't say), not hanging out while you're working in the kitchen or study (so more hobby and online time), and not initiating sex if he thinks you might not be in the mood.
Once you notice this, the solutions are easy. Find better ways to signal you're in the mood or initiate things yourself. Volunteer information. And before he leaves the room, invite him to sample what you're cooking or invite him to do something together in 20 minutes, when you're done with whatever you're doing.