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Wow! Better Communication with Your Husband or Wife

I use Twitter a lot. Because I use it to reach out to strangers looking to enjoy being married, I track the numbers on any tweet with a link in it. I use bitly.com to let me know every time anyone clicks on a link in my tweets. These show up in a list of tweets, clicks, and clicks on other folks' links to the same blog post or useful resource.

Over time, I have learned to speak the language of Twitter, to say things not the way I would want to hear them but the way others pay attention.

I cannot say to all those people, "We need to talk." I cannot say, "You never listen." These sound too much like, "Bad dog!" and they get me less attention, not more.

There is no Bitly for marriages, but I try to do my own counts. If you want to do this, too, just pay attention to how you ask for help, express your preferences, or share information. Then keep mental note of which ones work better with the person you are committed to spending your life with.

Do you get more smiles, more kisses, more help when you start a request with "While you are out, do you think you could..." or with "I need more ____; will you be able to get some for me while you're out?" or "We need more ____; get some if you can while you're out."

Do your attempts to initiate sex work best when they start with a compliment, a fond memory, a racy fantasy, or a command?

You won't find the answers in any book, because you did not marry the average guy or gal. The only answers that matter are the ones about this one man or woman. And it's easy to change the way you open conversations when you can see for yourself what works best right there in your own marriage.

By the way, the one word guaranteed to increase the attention folks on Twitter pay to my words is "Wow!" But it works only when I use it sparingly. Leave me a comment if it got your attention today.

Comments

Ha-ha! I follow you on Twitter, and yes, your Wow! did get my attention.

Your, "Wow," definitely got my attention. I assumed that you had found a real jewel to share with us. Whenever you retweet or forward something I know it's going to be good because it's already passed your vetting process. When I clicked on the link in your tweet I had to smile. It was your own site, your own post. Funny how I never think of saying, "Wow!!!" about my own stuff. And that thought deserves some thought of its own. Thanks Patty.

Thanks, Sue (and Rosemary, too). It's really worth figuring out what word gets this sort of big, immediate reaction from our mates. It's not just the word, of course, but all that you have said before. My wow says not just "pay attention" but also "a real jewel," thanks to all you have read before this from me.

Does "Honey" or "Sweetheart" send an advance impression of love and respect or of unending requests and manipulations in your use of it? What about "Listen"? Or "I know you will say..."?

The real brilliance of this post is the way you draw us online junkies in with something that we all know so well. What gets your reader's attention? And then you place it smack dab back in the language of love. You wrote: Over time, I have learned to speak the language of Twitter, to say things not the way I would want to hear them but the way others pay attention. And then you bring us right around to placing the concept into the language of love. Just brilliant.

Thanks, Sue!

No matter how long you've been married or in a relationship with a person, communication is still the number one tool that we must constantly practice and improve. Having open, honest and direct communication with our partners and knowing what communication methods work best for them enables us to really send our messages and thoughts and know that they will be received clearly. Thanks for this post!

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Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

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