I did not know back then. I know now. Everything we expect of marriage gets in the way of being loved, except love. Expect love.
Change or Lose Your Spouse!
I tuned in to a bit of Dr. Phil’s show again today. He had on reality TV celebrity couples with relationship problems. As always, they complained about each other’s habits, and he told one or both of them to change or expect to wind up divorced and alone. Here’s my thinking: No! My goal is not to get a marriage only to the point where it won’t self-destruct. And it is...
This Mess of a Marriage is Not My Fault!
This mess of a marriage we have is NOT my fault. Why should I be the one to change? I have heard this question from people who do not see why it would help to Assume Love, Expect Love, and Find Third Alternatives. I have even asked it myself before that horrible day that opened my eyes. So perhaps you ask it, too. Here’s the thing. Should is the wrong word. When you ask why you should be...
Why Be Married? For the Questions
One of the things I really like about being married is being asked questions that force me to look at things from other angles. My husband excels at coming up with these. Lately, an odd string of unexpected occurrences keeps taking me back to my roots, one of which was city planning, my college major. Not the where do we need some green space sort of planning nor the should this be zoned light...
How to Stop Poking Your Spouse
Drs. Pat Love and Steven Stosny, authors of How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, gave a great webinar this past Sunday. Ever wondered how just keeping quiet could make your mate anger or look so hurt? Or how sharing what’s upsetting you could make your spouse defensive or even aggressive? Stosny and Love gave great a great explanation and tips on how to avoid such upsets...