Seth Godin says this morning to his huge tribe of business owners and marketers:
"The next time you're sure someone is angry with you, perhaps it's worth considering that you might be mistaken."
It is, whether it's a business contact or a spouse.
But how do you tell if you're mistaken? You start from an assumption about the person and test their behavior against this assumption, instead of testing it against your lizard brain's assumption that you're always at risk.
For business contacts, you can safely assume they have many, many contacts and plenty of stuff going on besides your momentary interaction. When they need you to know they are angry, they will pay attention to you and their anger.
For husbands, wives, and life partners, you can safely assume they love you. Fear of losing you will likely accompany any anger they cannot express directly. Quietly ignoring you, unless repeated multiple times, probably indicates trust and distraction, not anger.