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Articles from November 2007

November 13, 2007

Why Be Married? For the Company

My cousin mentioned today his surprise (or was it delight?) at how much his wife appreciates doing simple things together, like grocery shopping. She's not alone. Life's just better with someone who loves you along for the ride. A backrub, a shared day of leaf raking, a smooth river stone with "you're the best" painted on it, a love note tucked into a briefcase -- being married brings joy to life.

November 10, 2007

Divorce Prevention Holiday

How would you like to learn to keep your marriage going strong through thick and thin while saving money on a San Francisco vacation this summer? That's what I'm planning to do.

I've been to an earlier Smart Marriages Conference, so I can't wait for the jam-packed program to arrive in my mailbox for this one. I'll be taking some of my favorite marriage education books with me for autographs, because many of the authors will be there. And I'll be at all the keynotes, because I had such a good time at the ones in 2006 and came away wiser to boot.

What's especially exciting about the 2008 conference? It's in San Francisco, and the hotel, a Hilton, is only $115 a night, a 60% discount off their AARP/AAA rates. The location is attracting plenty of big names -- Gary Chapman, John Gray, Steven Stosny, Harville Hendrix, Howard Markman and Scott Stanley, the founders of Marriage Savers, the co-author of Tony Robbins' new marriage course, even the author of Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence.

The price is very low, $355 for the whole thing, $185 a day, or $15 per seminar for the Saturday afternoon sessions. There are big discounts for students, your spouse, and people from one community or organization who sign up as a group. If you're a social worker, marriage and family therapist, psychologist, counselor, or family life educator, you can even earn continuing education credits while you pick up tips on how to make your marriage as wonderful as you hoped it would be.

The main conference runs from the evening of July 2 through the evening of July 5, 2008. There are additional classes before and after to get yourself certified as a marriage educator in a large number of proven marriage education programs.

If this interests you, put yourself on the mailing list for the conference brochure listing the 150 or so workshops, seminars, and keynotes. You might also want to make your reservations at the Hilton before then.

November 7, 2007

How to Remain Attractive to Your Spouse

Want to look your most attractive? Smile and look into your sweetie's eyes.

That's the word today from the Face Research Laboratory in Aberdeen. The report appears in the Proceedings of the Royal Society, the UK's national academy of science.

Here's what they found. First, people look more attractive to others with a smile on their face than with a disgusted look. But you knew that. Second, in general, people look more attractive to the opposite sex. You knew this, too, I'm sure.

So, what's new? Whether you're male or female, and whether you're smiling or looking disgusted, you're more attractive if you're looking directly at the other person. The extra attractiveness is small but real with a look of disgust. It's much greater when you're smiling.

If you're a woman smiling at a man, you get the biggest boost in attractiveness when you also look directly at him. However, even men get a significant boost, just by remembering to look at her.

So, assume love to turn your distressed looks into smiles, then stop what you're doing and really look at the person you married. It will make you more attractive than you already are.

November 5, 2007

Three Tips for Getting the Most From Your Marriage

How to feel more loved every single day:

1 - Assume love.

When your spouse's or life partner's behavior upsets you, stop, assume for the moment he or she is still the same wonderful person and still loves you very much. Now try to explain how he or she might have done this if this is true. You'll stop your knee-jerk reactions long enough to see the situation a lot more clearly. It's too easy to overlook love when we go with our first impressions.

2 - Expect love.

Expect your mate to show you love in many different ways, but not necessarily in the particular ways you imagined you'd be loved. If you're watching for one way, you'll miss all the others.

3 - Seek the Third Alternative.

When one of you wants one thing and the other wants something else, don't argue about which to choose. Look for the third alternative. It's one that makes both of you at least as happy as you'd be with your first choice. Make it clear you want your spouse to have all that and more, just not at the expense of your own needs.

To find it, you'll need to know what you hope to get from your first choice and what you hope to avoid from his (or hers). Then you'll need to ask for the same guidance from your spouse. Once you know what you're looking for, start brainstorming. Don't waste any time arguing for your first choice, because it won't make both of you happy, and that's the goal for a lifelong marriage.

Teleclasses: Enjoy Being Married

Want to learn more about how to enjoy being married, including how to assume love and how to find the third alternative in a disagreement? Phone in to my free teleclasses, offered twice a month. We cover a different topic in each one.

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Check your inbox for this confirmation message. As soon as you confirm, the latest newsletter will be mailed to you right away. If either of these doesn't show up within 15 minutes, be sure to check your junk mail or spam folder.

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Patty Newbold is a widow who got it right the second time...

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